Rory's Story: The Circus

Once upon a time, that's how we begin this story
Of a young boy, his name is Rory
He lived with his family on the edge of the hills
Over the meadow full of blooming daffodils
One day Rory learnt there's a circus in town
He wanted to see it, especially the clowns
He asked his parents if he could go
But it was too far away, so they said "No!"
Rory was sad, but he thought of a way
He said to his parents he's out to play
He said he's playing with his best friend
Who lived nearby, just round the bend
He did go see his best friend Ben
But not to play in his house then
Instead they quietly got in the back
Of Ben's dad truck which were full of sacks
Ben's dad was going to town to sell corn
And off he went, honking his horn
Not knowing that there were two boys at the back
Cramped between his corn sacks
They finally stopped at the marketplace
The boys got off and ran like in a race
They entered the circus in its big red top
And saw the clowns, the lions and the bunny hop
Contented and happy they walked back
But the truck in the market was a sight they lack
Because Ben's had gone home before
When his corn was sold out, he left his store
They were confused, they let out a moan
For their houses were far, they couldn't go home alone
They sat slouched and crying, not knowing what to do
They were too far from home, and it was getting dark too
But they should be grateful as they were in luck
Driving back to the market was Ben's dad in his truck
He was back to get something he left in his store
He was surprised to see Ben and Rory by the door
Ben explained what they'd done to his dad
And naturally his dad got mad
Rory's dad became angry too
When he found out what his son was up to
"What you did was dangerous and bad,"
"You could be hurt!" said Rory's dad
So Rory was punished, it was his fate
To stay inside for two weeks straight
Rory pondered, alone in his room
He realised he was wrong amidst his gloom
He promised himself never to lie again
For it only caused misery and pain
Now it's clear, yes, he could see
That honesty is the best policy

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Kaulah Malaikatku

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"Aku akan terus menunggumu, sampai kapanpun."

Kata-kata itu terngiang di kepala Arka. Ia memandang nisan dihadapannya. Masih berupa kayu yang diukir dengan nama seseorang yang sangat dikenalnya. Cat-nya pun baru mengering. "Kau bilang akan menungguku, tapi mengapa kau meninggalkanku?" gumamnya pelan.

Pelupuk mata Arka memanas, airmata mulai memburamkan pandangannya. Ia memejamkan kedua matanya dan bulir-bulir airmata pun berjatuhan mengalir di wajahnya. Saat menutup mata, ia melihat sosok seorang gadis yang tersenyum kepadanya.

Senyuman itulah yang pertama kali dilihatnya saat pertemuan perdana mereka. Dan senyum itulah yang menarik hatinya untuk kemudian mengenal lebih jauh gadis itu. Namun, setelah menjalani hubungan yang tidak terlalu lama, Arka dilanda kebimbangan, keraguan untuk lebih lanjut bersama gadis itu. Ia minta rehat sejenak, sementara untuk memantapkan hatinya.

Dan gadis itu menyanggupi permintaan Arka. Meski dengan berat hati, karena sang gadis yqkin Arka-lah pria yang akan menemaninya selama hidupnya. Oleh karena itu, ia rela menyanggupi permintaan Arka walaupun sakit hatinya harus berpisah dengannya.

Semenjak itu, Arka semakin menjauhi sang gadis, bahkan mendekati gadis lain. Tapi sang gadis tetap setia menunggunya, yakin bahwa suatu saat Arka akan kembali padanya. "Memang tidak mudah berpegang pada keyakinan itu," gadis itu pernah berkirim surel padanya, mengungkapkam perasaannya. "Terkadang aku merasa lelah dan ingin berhenti. Tapi sepertinya aku tidak ditakdirkan untuk mengambil jalan itu."

Arka meringis. Ia membayangkan hari-hari dimana gadis itu pasti tersiksa, senyum manisnya sirna hanya karenanya. Karena keegoisan dirinya yang tidak pernah memikirkan perasaan gadis itu dan besarnya kesetiaan sang gadis kepadanya.

Saat sang gadis terbaring di rumah sakit pun, ia masih berharap pada Arka. Tapi Arka masih pengecut, belum berani ia berdamai dengan perasaannya sendiri dan membuka hati sepenuhnya untuk gadis itu. Ah, jauh sekali bila dibandingkan dengan sang gadis! Dalam sakitnya, tak sedikitpun ia mengeluh. Keyakinan akan takdir dan kebesaran Tuhan membuat sang gadis tabah menghadapi hari-hari terakhirnya di rumah sakit. Ia bahkan selalu tersenyum saat Arka datang menjenguknya.

"Tak kusangka kau yang akan pergi meninggalkanku," bisik Arka dengan suara bergetar menahan tangis. "Dan tak kusangka, ternyata aku begitu peduli padamu. Ya Tuhan.. Maafkan aku meninggalkanmu, mengabaikanmu.. Aku mencintaimu. Semoga kamu bahagia di alam sana bersama para malaikat. Sayang, kaulah malaikatku."

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228 per 100000

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228 per 100000..

"Ayo Ibu! Jangan menyerah.."

228 per 100000. 228 kematian setiap 100000 yang hidup.

"Sayang, bertahan sayang.. Demi anak kita, ia butuh ibunya sayang.. Aku butuh kamu sayang!" Sayup-sayup suara Mas Harsa.

Anak kita.. Mas Harsa.. Anak kita..

Sekelibat bayangannya. Bayi merah, agak biru, rambut tebal dan basah, menangis kencang. Namun suara tangis semakin pelan dan mereda. Sang bayi mulai terlihat lebih cerah kulitnya.. Putih, mulus.. Badannya pun bertambah montok.. Ia tumbuh dan terus tumbuh. Dari kecil, hingga sekolah, hingga kuliah, diwisuda.. Anakku!

Itu takdirku. Ya, melihatnya tumbuh dan berkembang. Membimbingnya, mencintainya.. Menjaga titipan Tuhan bersama Mas Harsa.

228 dari 100000, sebagian besar disebabkan oleh pendarahan, juga komplikasi yang disebut eklampsia, serta infeksi.

Tidak! Harus kuraih takdirku! Aku tidak mau jadi sekedar statistik di koran, buku dan seminar! Aku mau jadi ibu untuk anakku dan istri bagi suamiku! Aku harus berjuang!

"Dok, denyut jantungnya ada lagi!"

Dan aku kembali berada di kamar bersalin. Wajah Mas Harsa yang pertama kali terlihat. Ia berkeringat dan berurai air mata. Diciumnya seluruh wajahku.

Tadi kamu pergi sayang.. Kamu pergi! Tapi kamu kembali! Aku tahu kamu pasti kembali!"

Kemudian aku merasa hangat di dadaku. Ada sosok manusia mungil yang sekarang kudekap. Matanya masih tertutup namun mulutnya menganga dan mengecap-ngecap. Ia menggeliat dan kuarahkan wajahnya ke sumber pangan terbaik untuknya.

Tuhan, Kau memberinya hidup melalui diriku. Kau membuatku bisa melihat dirinya tumbuh, tapi masih memberiku kesempatan untuk menjalaninya. Terima kasih, Tuhan!

228 per 100000, Angka Kematian Ibu di Indonesia. Dan aku bukan salah satunya.

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G30HM, my October project

Some of you who visit my blog regularly may notice that in October there seems to be a few entries labelled "fiction" or "writing" and "G30HM". This is actually a project called "Gerakan 30 Hari Menulis di Social Media" which utilises social media such as Facebook, Twitter or blog "to give, to share info and inspire others". Selengkapnya baca disini ya.

Writing used to be my passion since I was little.. dari SD udah rajin bikin cerpen sampe novel segala, dan bercita-cita menjadi penulis yang namanya bakal menghiasi New York Times Bestsellers List.. Tapi apa daya, saat mulai kuliah jadi oon, writers block berkepanjangan sampai sekarang. Akang udah encourage untuk mulai nulis lagi tapi kok susaaah.. salah satu penyebabnya karena sekarang juga jarang baca buku sih (alasan: buku mahal, hiks) jadi susah dapetin inspirasi menulis kalo ga membaca (IMHO mereka itu satu paket, you can't write if you don't read!!)

Makanya begitu ada project ini saya langsung ikutan.. selain itu, ehm, sebenarnya ya ini juga sedikit pengalihan dari the agonising wait of Babybee's birth. Hehe. Sekarang udah mulai gelisah gundah gulana nih menanti kedatangan Babybee.. yaa daripada kepikiran terus tentang melahirkan yang kok mulai jadi jiper sekarang, mending coba nulis aja something unrelated to that (soalnya sebelum2nya rajinnya nulis tentang pregnancy and Babybee ya, sekarang jadi nervous kalo mikirin itu heheh).

Tantangan minggu 1 adalah menulis cerpen minimal 140 karakter, jadi bisa di blog atau di Twitter, atau langsung di Facebook. Belum tahu nih minggu 2 apa ya tantangannya, semoga ga susah2 amat yah. Dan semoga bisa konsisten 30 hari menulis, ga berhenti di tengah jalan kayak waktu itu ngerjain Misi 21 (padahal itu cuma 21 hari ya).

Jadi, mohon maklum kalo update-an tentang Babybee ditunda dulu.. karena ibunya lagi jiper sekarang mikirin lahiran ahahaa.. Mohon doanya aja yaa semoga lancar, kami berdua sehat wal afiat.. amiin. :)

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Recollections of a Rainforest

I was walking in a rainforest. I shivered in the coolness.

The birds were chirping here and there, giving life to the rainforest.

I tripped over the root of a tree. I fell down on my hands and knees. The soil was damp and moist. I got up and slowly walked on.

A lizard was in front of me, staring at me with glowing eyes. As I moved, it ran away.

Faintly, I heard the sounds of a waterfall. I walked on to see a river flowing into a waterfall. The river was clear and clean. There were moss-covered rocks everywhere. I touched the water gently. It was cool and fresh.

Slowly I crossed the river, my feet touching the gentle yet slippery rocks at the bottom of the river. As I went, the menacing sound of the waterfall became fainter and fainter and soon it was gone.

I breathed the clean, fresh air that was all around me. The crickets chirped madly.

As time goes by, the rainforest became dimmer and dimmer. Less sunlight was coming in.

I seem to be walking forever into nowhere... yet I am loving it.

Author's note: This is an old old piece, probably written 10-12 years ago, but it's one of my favourite so I'd like to share it ;)

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Kala Malam

Gadis membuka mata, terbangun dari lelap tidurnya. Kamarnya masih
gelap, hanya secercah dua cercah cahaya dari bulan yang bersinar yang
berhasil tembus melalui tirai tertutupnya. Ia membiarkan matanya
menyesuaikan diri dengan kegelapan itu, kemudian ia menarik napas
panjang.

"Dia lagi," bisiknya pelan. Ia tertegun memandang langit-langit
kamarnya, berusaha mengingat mimpinya barusan sebelum hilang dari
ingatannya. Memang ingatannya akan mimpi itu mulai memudar, tapi ia
jelas ingat siapa yang ada dalam mimpi itu. Sesosok lelaki yang belum
lama dikenalnya. Setelah kenal pun, tidak menjadi begitu akrab. Namun
anehnya, sejak awal bertemu ia merasakan sesuatu terhadapnya. Seperti
setrum listrik sesaat, meskipun setelahnya tidak terlalu
dipikirkannya. Dan sejak hari itu, lelaki itulah yang hadir dalam
mimpinya tiap malam.

Gelisah dan gundah. Itu yang dirasakannya. Terganggu bahkan, pikirnya.
Bagaimana tidak? Ia sedang sibuk-sibuknya mempersiapkan skripsinya.
Orangtuanya sangat berharap ia bisa segera lulus. Ia pun sibuk dengan
kuliah demi mengejar nilai yang baik. Belum lagi ia baru saja putus
cinta, dan menjalin hubungan semacam itu lagi menjadi bukan prioritas
baginya.

"Tapi ini! Lelaki ini! Siapa dia?? Mengapa ia selalu memenuhi
pikiranku, padahal aku tidak mengenalnya? Aku bahkan tak tahu kalau
aku suka atau tertarik padanya!" jerit Gadis dalam hati. Ia tahu, hati
kecilnya sebenarnya masih takut dan trauma akan kandasnya hubungannya
yang terakhir, dan ia hanya ingon agar hatinya istirahat sejenak untuk
pulih dari rasa sakit itu. "Tapi ini malah seperti disuruh naik
rollercoaster," gumamnya, membayangkan dirinya yang selalu salah
tingkah saat berada dekat lelaki itu, dan tiba-tiba seperti ABG yang
tergirang-girang bila memikirkannya.

"Tuhan.. Harus bagaimana lagi? Hamba hanya ingin ketenangan.." Gadis
menarik napas dan menghembuskannya perlahan. Baginya, hanya ada satu
cara menghilangkan gundah gulana hatinya malam itu. Ia menyibak
selimutnya dan bangun dari kasurnya kemudian berjalan menuju kamar
mandi. Badannya ia basuh dengan air wudhu, dan ia kembali ke kamar,
bersiap-siap untuk mengadu pada Pencipta-nya.

Rakaat demi rakaat shalat malam dijalaninya. Istikharah, shalat
memohon petunjuk kepada Sang Maha Mengetahui, Sang Maha Pembolak-balik
Hati. Dengan gambaran sosok lelaki dalam pikirannya, ia mulai
melafalkan seuntai doa seusai shalatnya, "Ya Allah, jika ia adalah
untukku, maka dekatkanlah. Jika ia bukan untukku, jauhkanlah,
ikhlaskanlah, dan berikanlah aku yang terbaik..."

Dan ritual itu yang dijalaninya setiap malam, tanpa terlewati. Kadang
ia sampai berlinang airmata mengerjakannya, kadang sampai sesak,
kadang bahkan ia seperti setengah sadar karena kantuk.

Namun malam ini Gadis bangun dalam keadaan segar. Diambilnya air wudhu
dan mulailah ia shalat. Setelahnya, tidak lupa doa itu ia ucapkan
setulus hati. Khusus malam ini, ia kembali berdiri dan menegakkan
shalat, kali ini shalat Hajat, untuk memohon kelancaran dan keridhoan
Allah dalam suatu hajat yang akan dijalani.

Gadis tidak kembali tidur setelah shalatnya malam itu. Ya, ia berhajat
hari itu. Dan pagi-pagi sekali ia harus mulai bersiap-siap.

Beberapa jam kemudian, Gadis mendapati dirinya duduk bersimpuh didalam
mesjid. Ayahnya juga bersimpuh dihadapannya, persis menghadap sosok
lelaki yang duduk di samping Gadis. Lelaki itu, yang menghiasi
mimpinya sejak pertama bertemu dengannya, dengan mantap mengucapkan
kata-kata yang mengubah hidup mereka berdua: "Saya terima nikahnya
Gadis binti Ayahanda dengan maskawin tersebut tunai!"

Kelegaan seketika merayap ke seluruh tubuh Gadis. Lelaki yang masuk
dalam mimpinya sekian lama, ternyata masuk dalam hidupnya setelahnya,
menemaninya dalam tiap langkahnya, dan mulai saat ini akan terus
menjadi pendampingnya hingga akhir hayatnya. Tiada yang bisa
menggambarkan kebahagiaannya saat itu, tetapi yang lebih ia rasakan
adalah rasa syukur. Teringat setiap kala ia terbangun tiap malam dan
mengadu, memohon dan merintih kepada Rabb-Nya, meminta petunjuk demi
ketenangan hatinya. Dan hari ini, jawaban-Nya telah ia terima.

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when he leaves

She watched him go silently. If she could, she would have screamed, and exclaimed at the top of her lungs, calling his name, beckoning him back. But the words just stuck in her throat. 

As he walked away, she could only see a blurred vision of him, as her eyes welled up with tears.

She got down to her knees, crying, unable to utter any words. What? What words could possibly have brought him back? It was her fault he went, her own doings had made him leave her now. There was nothing she could do. No more reasons to tell him why he should stay. No more apologies will soften his heart. No, he was bored of her apologies. As if apologising will make it all better, and then their lives will be like usual. When in reality it doesn’t go that way, he had told her. She couldn’t understand, although how hard she tried. She only knew that he had tried so hard to understand her, but she just wouldn’t let him.

I don’t even understand myself, she cried silently.

She had always wanted someone to understand her, and yet when that someone actually comes along, she shut herself, afraid of what she might reveal to him. As if knowing her will mean she will lose that person’s trust. And all she could do was tell him things, things that she meant to be from her heart, but failed to come  ut as she wanted them to. All the wrong things she said. And yet she couldn’t make them right. She couldn’t make them right then, and she couldn’t make them right now.

He disappeared out of sight, his heart, too, in pain. He loved her dearly, but he was being unfair to himself and to her, if he let things go they way they were before. He couldn’t face it. And yet he knew clearly that he still loves her, and it will always stay that way. But she wasn’t the girl he knew before. The girl that made him love her in the first place, the girl who always made his heart skip a beat, the girl who never failed to make him just plain happy. Or maybe the person she is now, is truly who she was? That all this time, the girl he knew just wasn’t her, and now the real her is surfacing? If that was true, he knew he couldn’t stay with her any longer.

There was no use, anyway. She gave up trying to call him. As if her words will bring him back. Her words, which always came out wrong from her mouth, could never make him see her the way he had seen her in the first place. Oh, if I could get back the person I was before! The person who can laugh when it was time to laugh, cry when it was time to cry… the person who did everything right, who made everyone happy… but most important of all… who made him happy.

What’s the use? There was no point in life, now that he’s gone. It was him who kept her going… it was him who gave her a purpose in life… to make him happy. But she had failed. She failed him. She failed life.

She stood, watching the empty street that he had walked through. She turned the other way, her step shaken, as if she was walking on a tightrope. She couldn’t feel anything anymore. Her tears had gone dry; she was too tired to cry. Too tired to go on. Too tired to do anything. As she continued walking, her cell phone beeped. Sighing, she rummaged through her bag to find it, and pressed its buttons to read the new message. It was him.

“I just want to let you know that whatever I do, my feelings for you will never change. I love you. Hang on… don’t let anything ruin you. Take care of yourself, for you, your family… and your lover.”

 A smile dawned on her. A smile that turned into a laugh, then a cry, as the tears flow out of her eyes in joy. She walked on, never being as determined in her life, to return to her normal self, and to please the most important person in her life… herself.

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