When I finally realise it's October already

kerja di meja bawah, karena meja kerja di atas panas banget dan susah fokus ada anak2

Dari hari Ahad kemarin seharian ngoprek excel dan SPSS. Mabok makk.. Ternyata data yg masuk dari survei ulang gak secemerlang dulu.. dari 2 hari yg lalu stagnan di 80an (minimal 200 dari 400an yg dikirim). So I decided to work on the available data to do another validity and reliability analyses.. which as predicted Alhamdulillaah the results were way better. Then I decided to work on the remaining new data to actually do some statistical analyses. Which involves matching new and old data and that was a painstaking process... all this is for a paper for an upcoming conference next month. No, wait, make that 2 conferences.

I was preparing for an abstract deadline for 20th October and I thought "ok I can write up a 250word abstract by that time.. just need to have the results on by next week then I can write a hypothetical abstract in a few hours after that". Then last night a colleague from the office called asking me to participate in a conference in Kupang next month, full paper due by next week. Hahahah okaayy... I'll see what I can do. Since the Kupang conference is all expenses paid and she wanted me to accompany her I'm like okay I can do both. (Agak menyiksa diri gak sih ini?!?)

Jadi mulai ketar ketir setelah sadar udah Oktober. Target seminar hasil November (tadinya awal Okt tapi gak kekejar). Dan udah dikirim surat peringatan DO pula. Apa rasanya ya kalo di DO? Sampe bener2 kepikiran mungkin gak sih beneran after all these years.. 6 tahun mikirin sekolah, 5 tahun beneran berstatus mahasiswa, perjuangan semua yg dilalui...tiba2 gak selesai.... Mungkin gak sih? Bisa ridho?

Katanya sih harus visualisasi mimpi biar berhasil..tapi jujur gw gak berani lho ngebayangin gw lg sidang promosi atau wisuda pake toga di GWW. Takut gak kecapai huhu. Padahal dulu gw selalu visualisasi.. sampe pas naksir akang gw bayangin loh nanti pacaran di suatu tempat, nanti nikah seperti apa, dll dll dan itu GW BARU KENAL DIA. Hahahaha.

Semakin tua, semakin hilang nyali untuk bermimpi ternyata ya. Sedih.

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Alhamdulillah

Hellooooo!!

I am currently in the IPB Library. I had to attend other students' results seminar as requirement to conduct my own results seminar. I've still got a few more seminars to attend before the quota is filled. Anyway, it's also time to do my dissertation. Which took quite a turn.

Maksudnya gini, jadi karena kesalahan teknis (baca: kedodolan diriku) ada beberapa pertanyaan yang harus diganti dan ditanyakan ulang juga ada yang kelupaan ditanyain (apa2an sih ini calon doktor kok kek begini hah?!). Yawdalahya mo namanya calon doktor tapi ini kan survei kuantitatif pertamaku, jadi wajar lah kalo ada beberapa yang skip.

Alhamdulillahnya lagi karena surveinya online gak terlalu ribet yah nyari responden. Jadi jam 12 tadi kan kukirim tuh survei lanjutannya via email, eh 20 menit kemudian dicek udah 32 orang yang selesai ngisi surveinya (total yg udah buka 38 tapi sisanya belum selesai mungkin sibuk). Hamdalah banget kan... Pas survei awal pun yang diumumkan via Facebook itu gak sampai 2 hari kuota udah memenuhi dengan bonus 176 responden. Huwow amazing....

Alhamdulillah banget neliti buibu yang emang nature-nya saling support yahh.. Inget waktu posting link survei itu banyak responden yg jadinya ikut doain semoga lancar studinya, semoga bermanfaat dll dll... ahh kuterharuuu... pengen nangis banget bacanya.

Mudah2an dalam beberapa hari ke depan target responden tercapai jadi bisa cepet2 ngasih janji hadiah buat ibu2 hebat dan cepet2 dianalisis datanya biar bisa cepet nulis draft disertasi dan melewati proses2 lainnya.

Suffice to say, currently my life is taking a turn to be good (enough). I think it's because I was finally able to set my priorities straight, take drastic measures such as being off social media, turn back to Allah and do more of what HE pleases. Semoga this good streak lasts ya. I wouldn't want to think to have to go to a psychiatrist to sort me out (yep, doctoral studies is THAT stressful... I do have a patient card at the nearest mental hospital >_<)

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Refleksi 1 bulan kuliah Doktor

Alhamdulillah kuliah sudah berjalan sebulan.. ihh ga kerasa deh. Yaiyalah orang sibuknya kayak dikejar2 apaan. Awalnya culture shock. Waktu S2 kebetulan di Aussie, disana semua serba teratur, tugas dan buku udah jelas ditulis di silabus yang bisa didonlot dari web. Jadi udah fix itu tugas dan ujian apa aja dan kapan dikumpul. Nah disini semua serba mendadak dan express. Masuk kuliah blank karena gak dikasih silabusnya atau minimal bocoran buku yg harus dibaca. Selesai kuliah pertama langsung dapet tugas, review 3 buku sekaligus dijadiin makalah 10 halaman dalam 1 minggu. Iya, cuma dikasih waktu 6 hari buat baca 3 buku dan nulis 10 halaman. Belum lagi tugas dari kuliah lain. Jadi tugasnya suka2 dosennya gitu, dan rata2 deadline-nya seminggu. Sepaket biasanya, makalah dan presentasi. Modyarr kan.

Alhamdulillah karena emang suka bidangnya yah, jadi ga terlalu berat2 amat. Well, minggu pertama kaget sih, misuh2 ngambek sama Akang karena pas gw lagi berjibaku sama tugas doi enak tidur mulu. Malem tidur cepet, pagi bangunnya siang, eh pake tidur siang lagi. Sementara gw gak tidur, tetep harus ngurus anak2 dan ngajak main yg harusnya bisa sama Akang. Gimana gak murka gw. Haha.

Bolak-balik Pasar Minggu-Dramaga itu capek ternyata yaa. Padahal gw kuliahnya cuma 2 hari sih tapi jadinya padat. Dari pagi sampe sore di kampus. Awal2 kena macet Jalan Raya Dramaga itu nyiksa banget. Eh dikasihtau jalan pintas lewat kampung.. and I LOOOVE IT. Namanya jalan kampung ya sempit sih, tapi lumayan bisa 20-30menit hemat waktunya. Jadi rata2 perjalanan cuma sejaman lebih dikit. Tapi yang paling bikin betah lewat sini itu adalah ini:

Heaven yaa.. Bener2 perjuangan gw ke kampus antar kota antar propinsi mendaki gunung lewati lembaaah *nyanyi lagu Ninja Hattori* Tapi gw kan emang suka banget liat pemandangan ijo2 gini.. Dulu pas kuliah di Bandung juga kalo lagi suntuk itu mainnya kalo ga ke utara liat kebun teh ya ke selatan liat sawah di kampung Enin di Majalaya. Udah gitu seger lagi. Nah ini tiap hari liat beginian. Asli adeemm rasanyaa. *lopelope

Cuma ya terlanjur bilang ke Akang mau ngontrak. Lagian pilihannya pindah ke Cakung atau ngontrak di Bogor. Walopun di rumah sini udah nyaman, gw cuma tinggal belajar sama ngurus anak aja, makan aja masih numpang Mama *sungkemMama* Cuma klo disini anak2 ga berkembang dengan baik. Mbak yang ngasuh, walopun super baik dan talented dan sayang sama anak2 tapi kelewat sayang... gak bisa ngedisiplinin padahal toddler kan butuh dikontrol juga yak jangan semua diturutin. Yang ada gw jd bad cop, klo gw tegasin anak2 langsung ke mbaknya yg pukpukin. Udah gw bilang ke mbaknya supaya jangan digituin tapi mbaknya ga tega.. dan gw ga bisa maksa karena itu mbaknya Mama jadi yawis.. Anak2 bakal patah hati pisah sama Mbaknya dan gw deg2an gimana anak2 nanti tanpa mbak idola mereka but it's for the best kan ya.. Bismillah.

Akhirnya pada suatu Sabtu gw, Akang dan Raka ke Bogor nyari kontrakan. Sengaja nyarinya yg masih di kota tapi udah deket ke Darmaga. Antara Cimanggu atau Yasmin. Ndilalah jodoh di Yasmin, cuma liat 2 rumah doang padahal. Klo kata Akang mah emang klo jodoh ga kemana. Mudah2an jodoh ya.. duitnya udah lunas ditransfer ke yg punya kontrakan haha. Cerita tentang kontrakan menyusul.

Alhamdulillah lagi, barusan ke ATM duit beasiswa udah masuk. Jadi aja sms Akang minta norek-nya buat balikin duit yg gw pinjem buat nalangin ongkos gw selama kuliah krn duit belum turun. Huahahaha. Asa aneh nya. Padahal klo gw minta juga dikasih2 aja sih kan ya. Cuma karena keburu bilang minjem jadi harus dibalikin dong. Akang iya iya aja lagi.. kirain mau diikhlasin heuheheu

Kesimpulan: *ini kebanyakan bikin paper dehh pake kesimpulan segalaa XD* Kuliah dengan 2 toddler ituhh capek makk.. Ada momen gw sambil nyusuin Rayi plus nyuapin Raka plus baca buku kuliah.. ato semalem Akang lembur jam 10 malem gw masih depan komputer sambil ngawasin 2 anak lagi main dan nonton entah kenapa pada gak tidur. Sedihnya waktu Rayi ultah jadi ga sempet bikin acara apa2, cuma beli kado dan kue aja. Raka juga ga tau nih dirayain apa ngga, niatnya mau barengan gitu cuma riweuh deh mikirin persiapannya... But we all have to face the consequences of our choices. Temen2 kuliah gw semua juga pengorbanannya luar biasa. S3 is no piece of cake. Apalagi gw beban nih dengan beasiswa gw gak cuma yang udah lolos trus dikasih duit. Diminta prestasi akademik dan non-akademik juga. Ditanya publikasi dll-nya. Jadi gw kudu mikir harus nulis2 dan dipublish jadi buku or di jurnal or koran apa gitu. Demi nusa bangsa dan masa depan negara dan keluarga yang lebih baik..... Semangaaattt...!!!

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In memoriam Mamam Labib

Kemarin dapat berita mengejutkan, teman saya meninggal setelah melahirkan anak keduanya. Anak pertamanya seumuran Raka, lebih muda 3 minggu saja. Almarhumah mengalami robek rahim setelah melahirkan dan pendarahan, kemudian rahimnya diangkat dan meninggal seusai operasi pengangkatan rahim. Almarhumah meninggal 2 orang putra, yang satu baru berusia 1 hari.

Kaget, syok ga percaya kalo Mamam Labib sudah dipanggil sama Allah. Belum sempet playdate pun sama Labib, cuma liat2 fotonya aja di socmed. Ga kebayang dia ditinggal mamamnya, soalnya mereka deket banget. Karena papapnya Labib tinggal di Jakarta, jadi sehari2 Labib diasuh mamanya aja. Kemana2 berdua, bahkan klo kontrol hamil pun temen saya ini ditemenin sama anaknya aja nyetir berdua. Mirip saya sama Raka deh, cuma saya mana berani dan dibolehin nyetir berdua pas lagi hamil.

Kaget, syok karena kepikiran sayapun hampir mendapatkan resiko yg sama. Resiko rahim robek. Beruntung punya obgyn yg tegas dan gak pelit kasih informasi. Beliau konon dulu sering menangani kasus2 seperti itu, jadi beliau make sure saya diedukasi dan diwanti2 supaya ga kejadian seperti itu. Alhamdulillah 2 kali melahirkan dengan kondisi yang cukup gawat darurat, sayanya selamat. Anehnya sih setiap mau melahirkan kok ya gak kepikiran bakal ada resiko sewaktu2 ya I couldn't make it out of the operating room.. Huhu.. untung juga yaa gak kepikiran biar gak galau.. Soalnya 2 kali melahirkan mau masuk OR yg ada seneng-excited-nervous mau ketemu bayi, gak kepikiran sama diri sendiri sama sekali sih. Yg penting bayi keluar dan sehat.

Maka dari itulah, saya bela2in nih ya menembus macet, menembus hutan (iyee kampus gw di hutan beneran bo) demi bisa melakukan suatu penelitian yg mungkin bisa berkontribusi untuk membuat perempuan lebih aware sama kesehatan mereka dan anak2nya.. biar saat hamil mereka dapet informasi yg lebih akurat, tau segala resiko yg dihadapi, supaya gak kejadian kayak Budokter tau2 masuk RS udah parah karena belum teredukasi secara tepat sebelumnya.

I am not looking for a degree. This study is not for my own satisfaction, or even economic reasons. I just want to empower women and create a healthy Indonesia. Doakan ya..

Mamam Labib, I surely miss you.. I feel the loss your loved ones feel. But thank you for being in my life and inspiring me. May Allah pardon all your sins, make you a syahidah and your passing khusnul khotimah. I trust you're lying in a vast, vast space down there and smiling at us from up there.

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Jadi Mahasiswi Lagi

Alhamdulillah, setelah perjalanan panjang yang dimulai pada Januari 2013 (huwoww.. ampir 2 tahun yaa) akhirnya ditakdirkan untuk jadi mahasiswa doktoral di IPB.

Kemaren kuliah perdana, err, lebih tepatnya kayak perwalian sih. Berjibaku dari Jakarta ke kampus Darmaga, muter2 nyari gedungnya dan nyari parkir, trus muter2 nyari ruangan sampe nyasar dan beneran muter 360 derajat alias balik lagi ke tempat semula hahaha ajaib memang gedung kuliah di IPB ituh.. Akhirnya bisa kenalan sama dosen dan temen2 seangkatan walopun baru stengahnya. Ehh karena paling muda pake ditumbalin jd ketua angkatan pula.

Mari kita ikuti perjalanan meraih status mahasiswa S3 ini:
Januari 2013: Ikut tes IELTS karena rencananya mau apply ke UQ lagi.
Apri 2013: Iseng2 disuruh daftar beasiswa LPDP.. ndilalah lolos
Juni 2013: Wawancara beasiswa LPDP.. apa karena gak ada pressure jd nyantai, dan lolos juga ternyata
November 2013: Ikut Program Kepemimpinan LPDP, ninggalin bayi 40 hari, fresh baru abis nifas dan selama program sibuk dengan pemerahan ASI haha hamdalah lancar dan lulus PK juga
Desember 2013-Januari 2014: Galau mau apply ke UQ apa pindah universitas dalam negeri aja.. Akhirnya setelah diskusi sama nyokap dan Akang tentunya, dengan pertimbangan anak2 masih kecil dan Akang yg susah untuk cuti diluar tanggungan dan keinginan saya untuk tidak memisah2kan keluarga (misal saya sekolah sendiri/dengan anak tapi suami gak ikut), diputuskan untuk pindah universitas
Februari 2014: Bolak-balik Jakarta-Bandung ngurus ijazah hilang dan penerbitan transkrip.
April 2014: Deadliners bangeett.. Setelah ngurus permohonan prindah universitas ke LPDP dan disetujui, mulai apply ke IPB. Kenapa gak U* yg lbh deket? Karena disana kuota dikit, konon mahal, susah masuk dan susah keluar, dan males juga ah kuliahnya di Salemba *boseen liat macetnya Jakarta* *ketulah jd kejebak macetnya Bogor dah* Lumayan ngabisin duit buat legalisir notaris ijazah dan transkrip yg dr UQ
Juli 2014: Pengumuman IPB. Gak loloooss hahahahaha streeesss bangeet.. Udah mau nyerah ajalah.. Biarin di rumah aja sama anak2.. Bapaknya yg protes, anak2 dijadiin excuse buat kecemenan gw. Makasih Akang, tanpa support dari Akang udah males mau lanjutin. Padahal klo akal sehat berbicara ya tinggal diurus aja beres kok *maklum lagi PMS perdana stelah ngelahirin wkwkw*
Agustus 2014: Alhamdulillah ada sodara yg dosen IPB di fakultas yg sama menelusuri aplikasi gw, didapatlah salahnya dimana dll.. Intinya ternyata bisa dikomunikasikan dan ujung2nya bakal diterima katanyaa.
Buat jaga2 apply lagi deh yg gelombang kedua, berjibaku lagi ke Bandung buat legalisir surat keterangan pengganti ijazah (karena dulu mintanya dikit) naik kereta pagi2, pulangnya ujan2an naik motor dari Jatinegara sama Akang :')
Email2an sama dosen di UQ buat minta rekomendasi lagi Alhamdulillah langsung dibalas (dan terharu dikasih suntikan semangat sama beliau sambil bersedih2 bersama karena ga bisa jadi student disana hiks)
Gak berapa lama eh keluar pengumuman lulus, dikirimin surat cinta dari IPB.
Akhir bulan perdana ke Darmaga buat verifikasi. Pas verifikasi gw rada terharu gitu di bagian pembayaran, cuma ngasih surat dari LPDP gw dilolosin gak harus bayar sepeserpun.. padahal total jendral belasan juta rupiah yang harus dibayar. Hamdalah.. fabi ayyi aalaa i rabbikuma tukadzdzibaan..
September 2014: Pas ultah Akang subuh2 ke Darmaga nyetir sendirian, kejebak macet yg uwoww sekalii.. 4km ditempuh dalam 1.5jam cuyy..
Dua hari kemudian di ultah sendiri nyetir lagi ke Darmaga lagi buat perwalian, kejebak macet didalam kampus karena ada wisudaan, pulangnya juga macet dan berujung harus berhenti di pom bensin karena gak kuat (malemnya gak tidur soalnya, Rayi lagi sakit rewel n nenen mulu maunya) dan kejebak macetnya Jakarta juga hmmpphhff..

Sekarang lagi menjajaki kemungkinan pindah ke Bogor nih.. Gak kuat sayah bolakbalik gitu.. nyetir aja udah capek apalagi naik umum. Soalnya gw bukan orang yg bisa santai or bahkan bobo cantik di mobil or angkot gitu. Jadi pasti sama2 capek di jalan. Nyetir aja udah 2 jam apalagi ngangkot kan. Gila ya udah kayak Jakarta-Bandung itu. Apalagi namapun busui, klo ngangkot gembolannya banyak kan rempong cyinnn.. selain bawa buku2 kuliah (eciyeee gayaa), laptop dll, bawa peralatan perang busui aka breastpump dllnya. Klo di Bogor palingan Akang yg kejauhan, tapi banyak juga sih temen2nya yg rumahnya di Bogor. Kan bisa carpooling, atau naik APTB, atau kereta kan kan.. Kata temen kuliah (ciyee ada temen kuliah sekarang) yg sesama emak2 "Ya klo laki gpp lah berjibaku gitu, dia kan gak kepikiran rumah. Kalo ibu yg capek kasian anaknya, apalagi klo masih nyusuin Mbak, nanti bisa drop ASInya.." Cuss bungkuss.. pindah Bogor yuk Kang!

Masalah di Bogor mau ngontrak apa beli rumah kotak sabun sekalian (ih dapet loh daerah IPB seratus jutaan..mayan klo udah ga dipake bisa dikontrakin), masalah anak2 nanti sama siapa ato dititip di daycare (hiks mbak idola kita semua ga bisa dibawa) entar dulu dah.. too excited at the prospect of finally moving houses and standing on our own two feet ;)

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New hospital, new doctors

The Baktiluginas changed hospitals. Cuma beda 1 huruf depannya doang sih, dari K ke J haha. Tempatnya juga deketan kok, paling jaraknya 2-3 km aja.

 

Memang perbedaan diantara keduanya sangat jauh, yang satu RSIA, satu RS biasa. Tapi yang paling jauh bedanya itu adalah: harga.

 

Di RS K yang dulu, biaya kontrol dokter spesialis anak Rp. 300rb dan dokter kandungan Rp. 325rb. Di RS J yang baru ini, Rp. 125rb saja untuk DSA maupun DSOG. Harga vaksin juga murah. Di RS J ini juga kemarin USG transvag cuma kena Rp. 150rban klo ga salah, di RS K USG transvag Rp 300rban, USG biasa juga diatas 100rb. Di RS J blm nyobain USG biasa sih. Tapi gila kan ngiritnya bisa jauh banget!

 

Trus dokter di RS J gimana? Awalnya pernah nyobain DSA yang hasil googling ktny cukup oke. Ternyata malah gak cocok. Pas ke DSA itu, lg ada DSA lain praktek dan antrian dia kok panjang. Berarti lebih oke dong dokternya. Jadi aja kemarin imunisasi di DSA baru itu dan ternyata iyaa.. lemah lembut kemayu njawani gitu haha. Aduh baik bener deh, trus gw dipanggil Mbak dong, biasanya kan Ibu atau Mama gitu hihihi. Sayangnya gak terlalu eksis di dunia maya jadi waktu itu susah cari review tentang beliau haha. Tp klo soal RUM belum diuji sih dia, krn kemarin datang kesana cuma untuk imunisasi aja.

 

Review DSOG disana juga lumayan. Masih muda gitu, baik dan mau ditanya2, cuma belum ketauan pro-normal pro-ASI, IMD, VBAC, RUM dllnya karena kemaren cuma sebentar banget kesananya gara2 bawa Raka yang gak bisa diem, jadi ga sempet nanya2 lebih lanjut walhasil keluar dr situ nyesel banget. Senangnya dia supporting nursing while pregnant, tapii keukeuh gw harus minum susu hamil (iyuhhh ngebayanginnya eneg.. lebih enak susu segar atau UHT).

 

Patah hati banget sih gak bisa ketemu Budokter dan Tante Dokter lagi. Saking sedih dan kangennya sampe kebawa mimpi berkali2 haha kasian yah. Tadinya senang dikirain Budokter masih praktek di RS G deket kantor jadi bisa kesana pulang kantor, eh pas telpon ternyata udah enggak. Ternyata udah pindah ke RS H Ciputat yang baru buka. Jadi yah, sempet kepikiran juga sih bakal menyambangi dia di RS di Ciputat itu hehe. DSOG baru ini juga praktek disitu, daan praktek juga di RSPP tempat Tante Dokter berkantor sehari2.

 

Rencana lahiran? Gak di RS manapun yang disebut diatas haha.

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Update on Further Study Plan

The internet in the office’s been going on and off lately. And earlier we had a blackout for about 1 hour. PLN oh PLN..

 

So, instead of doing stuff but getting delayed because of the internet connection, let’s just blog :D

 

How’s my plan for further study going? OK so far… In a boost of inspiration, I got half a page written of the research proposal. The delay is mainly I keep changing what I really want to talk about. I mean, I know the topic, but the areas of focus are still undecided. I had to do some reading to finally decide what I want to focus on in the research. I hope I get the rough draft ready in a week’s time. Then after that, I will contact my previous supervisor and hand him the proposal. I’m quite sure he would modify it to suit us better, so I’m really hoping for his input.

 

I have also researched other opportunities domestically, in Indonesia I mean. If I were to do a degree here, most probably from my own pocket. Which is hard, since I have a family, we’d rather use the money for our children’s schooling right?? A postgraduate degree generally cost between 8-12 million rupiahs per semester. I checked for an S3 in IPB where they have the study field that I want, it’s 8 million per semester, total is 6 semesters. Unfortunately there’s not much opportunity for S3 in my field here in Indonesia. The choice is very limited in Bogor, or Depok, or a regular private university in Jakarta. There’s a good one in UGM but that’s too far, unless Akang gets placed there.

 

Oh that brings me to another topic: I’m kinda hoping Akang would be placed somewhere else and not where he is right now…even if outside Jakarta that would be fine.

 

Back to topic: Anyway, if I were to do a degree here in Indonesia, I want to do another Master. Since I only got 1.5 years during my previous one, so I want to deepen my knowledge of that field by studying another Master degree in a similar field. The choice is either 1. Communication or 2. Social Science. I really prefer the 2^nd once, since, although my official degree is Master of Communication, really what we learnt during those 1.5 years is mostly social studies. But, if I did a degree in social science, there’s not much opportunity for me to teach here in Indonesia. Whereas most universities would have a Communication department, the Social Science department is usually confined in the state universities. And being a lecturer at a state university means I have to become PNS. We (me, Akang, mum) agreed I won’t become PNS. Mum said, “Jadi PNS dilarang kaya!” haha.

 

So let’s see what Allah has planned for me..

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Another one on the universe telling me to do PhD

I’m going to keep posting these “signs” just to remind myself or rather keep motivating myself that I’m really meant to do this :)

 

So, another sign came when I was approached by a student who wants to continue studying in Australia upon graduation from high school/SMA. Compared to my other students of his age, he was quite simple, yet, I can probably say he is the smartest. He actually received a scholarship from the Ministry of Education Indonesia to study overseas because he won this international competition, where he designed a device to help rice farmers obtain more yield (or something like that :D). Aaand.. HE GOT AN OFFICIAL PATENT OF THIS PRODUCT. How cool is that, having your own patent at 17 years old???

 

So anyway, he came to me with the regular application documents. On the application form, there’s a statement to provide research plan – but that’s only for (postgraduate) research students. But he missed that information, and came to me with not one, but TWO research proposals that he plans to undertake during his Bachelor degree. This. Is. Phenomenal.

 

I mean, usually my students just come without knowing what they want to do, or even if they do, research is the last thing on their minds. Because anyway, in Australia, research such as final project or skripsi is an optional component. So you graduate after 3 years of study with a Bachelor degree. If you want to do research, then you do it for 1 extra year – called the honours year – upon which your degree would be Bachelor of Honours. Some of them don’t even know how to fill in the application form, or just too lazy to do things for themselves. Well, I guess because most of the kids who come to me are from privileged background where they’ve had people do things for them all their lives.

 

So yeah, that was another “sign of the universe” for me. If this young 17-year-old can be so enthusiastic and able to make 2 research proposals for a research project that he won’t undertake until 3.5 years later, then what’s delaying me writing that 1-2 page proposals that’s supposed to be sent my next month, for research to be done in 2014???

 

*whips self*

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Again, On the Universe telling me to do PhD

Bludging away at work (translation: ma-ga-but), these past three days I should be working on my PhD proposal. Since the clients I work with (institutions in Australia, NZ, US, UK, Canada) are on Christmas holidays until first week of January 2013, and most of my customers are holidaying as well, that goes for most staff in the office, too, so it's generally quiet on emails and on people dropping in, too.

So I had planned from weeks before that I'd use these 3 bludgeful (new word!) days to do something worthwhile: MY PROPOSAL.

But....

Since Raka's maid is away, I had to tend for him when I get home, meaning I had no rest at all since when I get home I have to feed him, nurse him, play with him etc that I never even have time for dinner since I'd be too exhausted and fall asleep with him while nursing. Oh not to mention in the morning, I have to wake up really early to cook his meals for the day, then spare time to play with him (he's up around 4 to 5.30am), before finally bathing him, and when he's not in a good mood, I have to soothe his tantrums by nursing him and rocking him to sleep. This happened yesterday, I left home for work at 8.35am, when work starts at 8.30am. I can't take days off work since there would be no one at the office.

So...

When I do get at the office, I get really tired and can't concentrate. The folder with my PhD stuff is left untouched, yesterday I even forgot to bring it. the USB stick is still in my wallet, I didn't even stick it into my PC to save journal articles or whatever my thoughts on the research.

I even start to have second thoughts.. It's going to be hard, right, doing this thing?? Maybe it's not for me.

Then I accidentally came upon a blog of someone who used to go to school with me, who was doing her PhD in Australia, too.

Then, I came across this:

It's another sign, right??

My destiny is UQ PhD right??

Right??

Can I get an AMEN here??

AAAMMMIIIIEEEENNN...!!!

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Green Light!

Wichitra: Assalamu'alaikum wr wb

Sent at 10:05 AM on Wednesday

Tatas: Waalaikumsalam wrwb.

Sent at 10:23 AM on Wednesday

Wichitra: ini eneng baca, University of A menawarkan beasiswa postgraduate research termasuk uang kuliah, living cost and OSHC untuk student&dependent

tp untuk masuk di Juli - November 2013

kmrn eneng liat sih, kykny ada dosen sana yg bisa jd supervisor eneng

menurut akang, dicoba aja ga?

tdny rencananya mau apply Endeavour aja, masuknya pertengahan 2014

Tatas: iya ga apa2, dicoba saja ..

kl memungkinkan, sekalian jg yg endeavour, kan blm tahu keterimax d mana

Wichitra: iya, yg Endeavour tetap mau dicoba jg. rencananya mau apply ke Q, A sama C, krn sejauh ini yg ada dosen di bidang yg eneng mau research di 3 univ itu

Tatas: o gitu.. ok mantep

Wichitra: makasih supportnya.. mohon doanya.. demi masa depan keluarga yg lebih baik, amin

Tatas: iya sama2, semoga barokah

Wichitra: amiiin

 

Restu suami sudah ditangan, tinggal minta restu ibunda dan Insya Allah MESTAKUNG! Wichi BISAAA!!! Doakan yaaa!!!

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6 Years in Between..

2002… entered 1^st year of Bachelor degree

>>fast forward 6 years later

2008… entered 1^st year of Master degree

>>fast forward 6 years later

2014… entered 1^st year of PhD degree

Amiiinn!!

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On the universe telling me to do PhD

Just when I thought I found my passion in working where I am today, the signs of the universe are telling me to go somewhere else: do research. These include:

• students coming to me wishing to apply for PhD studies, so I become familiar with the entry requirements, and also read their proposal and become familiar with how to make PhD proposal and find supervisor etc..
• coming across a journal publication in my house -- made me want to write a journal article
• reading about Qaryah Thayyibah in Kompas (QT was the subject of my thesis back at UQ), reminded me of those thesis research days and how my supervisor always persuaded me to do PhD elaborating more on my thesis topic
• now, coming across an old blog entry from my blog as a Brisbane Student Ambassador, as below:

Here I am, with my laptop who is nearing the end of his lifetime but still hanging on for the sake of getting me through the research and writing of final report papers for 2 academic degrees… I am still painstakingly trying to get this thesis report done, knowing that I am falling waaaay behind with this but I have no other choice but to go on.

As I was reading about Lerner, Schramm, and of course Rogers with his diffusion of innovations… my mind was brought back to one year ago when I first started studying this program. I was in the Community Media and ICTs (COMU7014) class, and the session was given by a guest lecture, a prominent communications scholar from University of Ohio (I hope that's right), Professor Drew McDaniel. He was explaining about Rogers and diffusion of innovations, and I remember drawing the innovation vs adopter graph (or something like that), and noting to myself, "I do not understand any of this… but it seems interesting."

Community Media and ICTs were one of the first classes I went to, and it was conducted in extensive mode for 2 weeks in Week 3 of Semester, so it was still pretty early to finish all 3 assignments in one time. That class was memorable to me, because of the workshop mode which I found uncommon, because of the nice lecturers – Martin Hadlow, Pradip Thomas and Drew McDaniel, because of the telecentre presentation assignment, and the 2 1500-word assignment expected to be completed at the same time at the end of the 2-week workshop.

The telecentre presentation assignment was the most impressive assignment I'd ever done, besides Social Impact Assessment. It was hard finding a telecentre case study in Indonesia that was well-documented on the Internet. And the ones that were documented seemed to be too boring to be analysed. Until I came across Qaryah Thayyibah. Qaryah Thayyibah was a community offering alternative education for children in secondary school (SMP to SMA). It was one of the case studies documented in a World Bank report on telecentres in Indonesia. I was familiar with QT before because my mother told me about them. So I did the presentation, and I think I impressed the lecturers because I got 19/20 for that presentation. Martin even suggested Pak Bahruddin, the founder of the school, to be nominated for the prestigious Communication for Social Change Award presented by UQ's Centre for Communication for Social Change. I was so inspired that I made a note to myself that I would do a thesis research on ICTs and social change in Qaryah Thayyibah.

One year later, I was in Indonesia, still hadn't decided my thesis topic and went there merely "to be inspired". I figured QT which was located in Salatiga was too far away, and I know nothing about Salatiga, I don't know anyone there. I would rather do community radio instead, there was one near my grandma's village. But I didn't get any response from them. The first day I got to Jakarta, coincidentally, my mother was going to Salatiga the next day. So I told her about QT and how it was a potential research site. My mother then offered me to go with her there since I had nothing to do in Jakarta anyway. On our way to the airport she called Pak Bahruddin and amazingly he answered and we were to go to QT in a few hours' time!

So there I was, actually in QT, really being amazed at the place, and asking Pak Bahruddin's permission to do research on his school. He was very accommodating then, and he was even more accommodating when a few weeks later I came back, all equipped but dead nervous. He talked straight away, even offered me a room to board. But since I wasn't comfortable living in a house by myself where the person is no relative that I didn't know very well, I turned down his offer and stayed at a guesthouse in Ungaran, an hour's drive to Salatiga. But he did offer me a room to let me lie down on the first day, because I was exhausted (mostly from the nervousness of doing field research as an amateur on my own…). And during the whole course of my field research, he would greet me every morning, talk to me, and see me leave every afternoon. He gave me books and documents, files, photographs, videos, anything that would help me with the research. And of course, he paved the way of me getting interview respondents.

And now I'm back here, reporting what I've found from that short visit to that amazing place. I admit I had been careless, wasting my time trying to make sense of the data I found, trying to be a real social scientist but too scared to ask for help (not even from my supervisor!). And now I haven't even had a complete draft finished. One whole chapter on literature review is still in conception and not written yet. I only managed to give 3 chapters to my supervisor. I hope he doesn't get offended or disappointed that I forced him to read so many in so little time, because I'd be handing it all in by 4th November.

I guess I'm just trying to remind myself that this has been a journey that started right at the very beginning of my studies. It's been something that I wanted from the start, and now I am half-believing that it actually came true. I could actually go to that place, meet the inspirational founder, and still be in awe until now of what is going on in that place. It really gave me hope, that the people of Indonesia are really smart and able to adapt to any condition given to them. The QT community has appropriated technology to suit their environment, culture and tradition… all done in the concept that technology plays an important role in their development – personal and consequently for the whole community. All the theories that I had learned in the course of studying communication for social change, came resonating back to me in QT. QT was the perfect laboratory.

I hope I get to finish my thesis on time, and that the examiners are content with what I have written. I am now reminded of my goal, that this thesis is not for my personal fulfillment to become a Master of Communication graduate, but to provide a voice for the voiceless, the voice of the QT community who has great ideas but did not have the networks and significant platforms to publicise these ideas in the international development communities. All I am doing is for the betterment of the rural people of Indonesia… for the farmers, for the teachers, and for the children.

May Allah be with me every step of the way. Amiiin…. 

So my very nice thesis supervisor always persuaded me to do PhD, I think he probably reckons I have research potential.. but I was not confident enough. Looking at my mum who did her PhD and friends who were doing their PhD studies, I was under the impression that PhD changes you. It really changes the way you think, the way you look at the world.. well as I said, it totally will make you a different person. I was not ready for that yet. I was not ready for the big challenges that surely I'll face as a PhD student. I was still a naive, inexperienced 20-something and want to enjoy life and my new role as a wife and then a mother.

I don't know why lately I start to consider PhD studies. I suddenly become curious about things and really want to start doing some research to find the answers I seek about these 'things'. What 'things'? I have not yet really decided.. but I just want to start doing something.

Oh, another thing that motivated me to do PhD overseas, is that I can bring Raka along... the overseas experience will surely enrich him and stimulate him, there are so much better stimulation opportunities that don't cost a fortune overseas (like, parks and playgrounds are free, borrow children books in libraries are free, many activities for children are free there.. in Indonesia you have to pay to access those things). I know, because I myself was a child when my parents were studying in Australia, and I know the little kids that I teach at TPA (Taman Pendidikan Al Qur'an) are having the time of their life back there.

I don't know... maybe one day the opportunity will come.

Amin.

*shalat istikharah*

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