Monday, 8 October 2018

When I finally realise it's October already

kerja di meja bawah, karena meja kerja di atas panas banget dan susah fokus ada anak2

Dari hari Ahad kemarin seharian ngoprek excel dan SPSS. Mabok makk.. Ternyata data yg masuk dari survei ulang gak secemerlang dulu.. dari 2 hari yg lalu stagnan di 80an (minimal 200 dari 400an yg dikirim). So I decided to work on the available data to do another validity and reliability analyses.. which as predicted Alhamdulillaah the results were way better. Then I decided to work on the remaining new data to actually do some statistical analyses. Which involves matching new and old data and that was a painstaking process... all this is for a paper for an upcoming conference next month. No, wait, make that 2 conferences.

I was preparing for an abstract deadline for 20th October and I thought "ok I can write up a 250word abstract by that time.. just need to have the results on by next week then I can write a hypothetical abstract in a few hours after that". Then last night a colleague from the office called asking me to participate in a conference in Kupang next month, full paper due by next week. Hahahah okaayy... I'll see what I can do. Since the Kupang conference is all expenses paid and she wanted me to accompany her I'm like okay I can do both. (Agak menyiksa diri gak sih ini?!?)

Jadi mulai ketar ketir setelah sadar udah Oktober. Target seminar hasil November (tadinya awal Okt tapi gak kekejar). Dan udah dikirim surat peringatan DO pula. Apa rasanya ya kalo di DO? Sampe bener2 kepikiran mungkin gak sih beneran after all these years.. 6 tahun mikirin sekolah, 5 tahun beneran berstatus mahasiswa, perjuangan semua yg dilalui...tiba2 gak selesai.... Mungkin gak sih? Bisa ridho?

Katanya sih harus visualisasi mimpi biar berhasil..tapi jujur gw gak berani lho ngebayangin gw lg sidang promosi atau wisuda pake toga di GWW. Takut gak kecapai huhu. Padahal dulu gw selalu visualisasi.. sampe pas naksir akang gw bayangin loh nanti pacaran di suatu tempat, nanti nikah seperti apa, dll dll dan itu GW BARU KENAL DIA. Hahahaha.

Semakin tua, semakin hilang nyali untuk bermimpi ternyata ya. Sedih.

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Thursday, 4 October 2018



I am currently in the IPB Library. I had to attend other students' results seminar as requirement to conduct my own results seminar. I've still got a few more seminars to attend before the quota is filled. Anyway, it's also time to do my dissertation. Which took quite a turn.

Maksudnya gini, jadi karena kesalahan teknis (baca: kedodolan diriku) ada beberapa pertanyaan yang harus diganti dan ditanyakan ulang juga ada yang kelupaan ditanyain (apa2an sih ini calon doktor kok kek begini hah?!). Yawdalahya mo namanya calon doktor tapi ini kan survei kuantitatif pertamaku, jadi wajar lah kalo ada beberapa yang skip.

Alhamdulillahnya lagi karena surveinya online gak terlalu ribet yah nyari responden. Jadi jam 12 tadi kan kukirim tuh survei lanjutannya via email, eh 20 menit kemudian dicek udah 32 orang yang selesai ngisi surveinya (total yg udah buka 38 tapi sisanya belum selesai mungkin sibuk). Hamdalah banget kan... Pas survei awal pun yang diumumkan via Facebook itu gak sampai 2 hari kuota udah memenuhi dengan bonus 176 responden. Huwow amazing....

Alhamdulillah banget neliti buibu yang emang nature-nya saling support yahh.. Inget waktu posting link survei itu banyak responden yg jadinya ikut doain semoga lancar studinya, semoga bermanfaat dll dll... ahh kuterharuuu... pengen nangis banget bacanya.

Mudah2an dalam beberapa hari ke depan target responden tercapai jadi bisa cepet2 ngasih janji hadiah buat ibu2 hebat dan cepet2 dianalisis datanya biar bisa cepet nulis draft disertasi dan melewati proses2 lainnya.

Suffice to say, currently my life is taking a turn to be good (enough). I think it's because I was finally able to set my priorities straight, take drastic measures such as being off social media, turn back to Allah and do more of what HE pleases. Semoga this good streak lasts ya. I wouldn't want to think to have to go to a psychiatrist to sort me out (yep, doctoral studies is THAT stressful... I do have a patient card at the nearest mental hospital >_<)

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Monday, 1 October 2018

1 week so-called social media detox

So as I said in the previous post, I uninstalled Instagram. IG is the only social media I was active at. I have Facebook and Twitter accounts, Path as well. But I don't have apps for them in my phones so I only access them in my browser if I just need some information. Like Twitter I use to see bout traffic jams or rail (KRL) info when there's delays. Facebook I need for my dissertation research. Path was abandoned cos no one is on them anymore.

So I had the IG app on my phone and tab. And I was very active at it. It consumes my phone memory and my precious time 😅 I did think I was oversharing sometimes, although when I post I take careful consideration of its implications so there are numerous times I erased whatever I was about to post. The really tiring part was trying to keep up, indulge my FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), and trying to prove something. Lebay yak.. selebgram bukan tapi dibikin stres sendiri sama medsos haha.

Anyway the problem was I couldn't handle it. I took up precious time that i could spend writing, doing research, or engage with my family by being glued to my phone. Trus buat apa? It didn't really increase the quality of my life by playing every IG story or looking at every post.

Soo in the few days I went off social media turns out I can't totally stay away. Because apparently you can open IG on your browser. I opened my FB more often (tapi ga lama2 krn buka FB otomatis ngingetin disertasi). I can't see people's snapgrams but I watch their whatsapp statuses which is kinda the same. Ahahah.

Tapi gapapah... Small steps ya. Although I am still glued to my phone and tab, tapi bukanya ebook atau browsing news. Lebih bermutu ya seenggaknya. And it is relieving to not (have to) know and kepo on other people's lives. To not mentally thinking of instagrammable moments but just enjoynthem. Take photos because you want to cherish them for yourself and not the sake of content.

Wow I think I have found a new reseacrch topic: scale of depression and social media use. (This has been extensively researched I think but not in Indonesian context which is interesting krn socmed stars diIndonesia banyak bnget dan netyjennya luchu2 jd penisirin kek apa hasilnya)