Sunday, 24 November 2019

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up - Marie Kondo (Pre Challenge 3 KIMI 2020)


Pre Challenge KIMI berikutnya adalah me-review buku, ada 3 judul yang jadi pilihan. Pilihanku jatuh pada buku The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up oleh Marie Kondo. Sebenarnya sebelumnya sedang membaca buku ini, sudah sekitar 1/5nya, tapi terus gak diselesaikan. Begitu dikasih challenge, mau coba baca buku Emotional Healing Therapy-nya Irma Rahayu, dengan download e-booknya di app iPusnas dan iJak tapi puyeng bacanya kecil2 hurufnya. Belilah buku preloved di online, ternyata edisi pertama banget yang agak out of date. Akhirnya beli lagi yang edisi terakhir. Tapi eh tapi, aku pusing bacanya. Mengorek luka lama, trauma yang kupendam muncul ke permukaan, jadi kepikiran. Daripada aku sengklek, karena akhir2 ini benar2 membutuhkan kewarasan, jadi takdirnya disuruh konsisten dari awal, yaitu balik lagi baca buku Marie Kondo sampai selesai.

Oke, mari mulai membahas bukunya ya. First of all, terjemahan judul Bahasa Indonesianya does not do the book justice "seni beres-beres dan metode merapikan ala Jepang"? Padahal yang dibahas lebiih dari cara beres2 dan merapikan tapi sesuai judulnya, bagaimana beres2 bisa mengubah hidup. Dan memang, bukunya harus dibaca dengan hati terbuka dari awal sampai akhir. Karena baca awal2 aku belum klik, makanya trus ditaro dan ga dipegang2 lagi sampai diminta baca sama KIMI. Dan pas ketika aku baca lagi, justru masuk ke bagian menariknya yang bikin aku "ooo... gitu... waaahhh... iya bener banget...." dan sebagainya :)

I am (was?) a self-proclaimed and proud to be a messy person.


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Aku pikir karena efek dari kecil punya pembantu, gak pernah beresin my own mess at home. Dan gak pernah diajarin sama Mama "anak gadis gak boleh slordeuh". Tapi kalo dipikir2 adikku kan sama ya, nah dia itu resik banget dari kecil. Beda sama kakaknya yang masih bisa berfungsi dalam kubangan baju atau buku 🙈 Padahal dia cowok dan aku cewek. Sampai2 suka disindir dan jadi bahan beranteman beneran sama suami, karena suamiku itu sama seperti adikku. Cowok resik, yang pulang kantor belum ganti baju langsung beres2 rumah (baca: menata barang2 pada tempatnya).

Padahal, ternyata, menurut Marie Kondo, kondisi rumah menggambarkan kondisi yang punyanya. Kalau yang punyanya sobat ambyar ya wajar rumahnya berantakan. Orang yang berantakan atau suka menimbun barang sebenarnya memiliki masalah keterikatan pada masa lalu atau kecemasan pada masa depan (hal.174). Nah ini aku banget... gimana mau hidup tenang kalau kerjaannya hidup di masa lalu dan overthinking mengkhawatirkan masa depan?? Ternyata itu tercermin dari apa yang ada di rumah kita. Kata Marie:
 "keterikatan pada masa lalu dan kekhawatiran akan masa depan tidak hanya memengaruhi cara Anda memilih barang yang Anda miliki, tetapi juga merepresentasikan kriteria apa yang Anda jadikan patokan dalam tiap aspek kehidupan Anda, termasuk pekerjaan dan hubungan Anda dengan orang-orang." (hal.174)
Nah terus gimana beres2 bisa mengubah hidup? Kata kuncinya: SPARK JOY. Hanya miliki barang yang membangkitkan kegembiraan. Yang setiap kita lihat, kita merasa bahagia atas kehadirannya. Dan menurutku, ini berlaku tidak hanya untuk barang, tapi untuk semua yang ada dalam hidup kita -- orang2, pekerjaan, dll. Just keep the ones that spark joy. Simpel kan?


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Yang aku suka dari buku ini, gak cuma kasih tips2 praktis gimana caranya bebenah, tetapi ya itu, ngasihtau kalo bebenah rumah is all about bebenah emosi dan bebenah hidup. Jadi beda dengan seni bebenah lainnya yang lebih teknikal dan logis, Marie Kondo ini malah nyuruh kita selami diri dan emosi. Hal-hal kecil seperti berterimakasih pada barang seusai kita menggunakannya (misal saat menanggalkan pakaian atau meletakkan tas beserta isinya) atau saat akan dibuang, atau menyapa rumah seolah dia hidup setiap kita kembali, tentunya membuat kita lebih bersyukur dan menghargai walaupun mereka hanyalah barang materiil nonhidup tapi juga kan pemberian Allah yang wajib disyukuri.

Jadi menurutku, kalau kita terapkan prinsip Marie Kondo ini, sebenarnya bisa membuat kita menjadi pribadi yang senantiasa bersyukur dan qanaah, dalam arti merasa cukup akan apa yang sudah diberi. Karena dengan mudahnya kita mendapat material things dan di era medsos dimana kita serba membandingkan dan berkompetisi, kadang sulit untuk bersyukur pada hal2 kecil di sekitar kita dan merasa selalu berkekurangan. Astaghfirullah.

Anyway, ketika dan setelah membaca buku, akhirnya saya mulai mempraktekkan. Dimulai dengan membereskan "komono" (barang printilan macam koin dll) dan kertas2 yang membuat meja kerja saya tidak bisa digunakan sebagaimana mestinya karena jadi tempat penyimpanan. Setelah itu Qadarullah si Raka sakit dan divonis dokter alergi udara. Which means kamar harus steril. Di kamarnya itu banyaaaakk banget barang mainan, baju dll. Padahal sempit kamarnya. Banyak banget PRnya, tapi dimulai dengan beresin 1 sudut berisi mainan, dapat 1 kantong besar sampah dan 2 kardus untuk disumbangkan. Besoknya beberes baju, berhasil membuang 1 plastik baju dan mendonasikan 4 plastik baju. Yang belum rak buku, rak printilan, dan masih ada 2 box mainan yang harus disortir kembali. Lha wong anaknya sekarang kerjaannya main Lego (dan action figure sesekali) doang sama nonton TV atau main PS. Setelah itu berencana beresin baju sendiri, tapi yang urgent ya kamar anak2 biar Raka lega tidur disitu. Karena printilan yg disimpan tentunya jadi sarang debu. Gak mau lagi lihat anakku mukanya bengep, bentol2 dan gatal2 karena debu atau tungau huhu.

Semoga kami bisa jadi sehat lahir batin dan bahagia dengan barang2 di rumah yang membangkitkan kegembiraan :)

#kimichallenge #thelifechangingmagicoftidyingup #KIMI2020

Wednesday, 30 October 2019

RE-HEART


Pre-challenge KIMI 2020 yaitu nyeritain pengalaman ngulik album Mantra2 by Kunto Aji. Sebagai orang yg gampang baper denger lagu liriknya dimasukin hati, emosi juga diaduk2 dengerin album ini. Berasa ditampar, dipukpuk trus dipeluk kenceng2....

Semua lagunya sih relate bgt sama aku, ya SULUNG, ya REHAT, apalagi SAUDADE bikin brebes mili sesenggukan pas lagi nyetir keinget orangtua dan anak2 (yang berorangtuakan aku..). Errr intinya ya semua lagu pasti bisa kusambung2in sama keadaan diri, itulah kelebihan jiwa melankolis wkwk. Tapi berhubung dipilih 1 yg relate sama keadaan SAAT INI yaitu: JAKARTA JAKARTA. Agak antimainstream dgn pengalaman bebo lain yang membahas lagu yg berbeda tapi ya memang gitu kata Teh Achi.. perbedaan adalah fitrah.

Begitulah, aku korban keganasan Jakarta. Dengerin lagu ini abis perjalanan pulang yg sengaja dimalemin tp macetnya makin menjadi.. 12 jam keluar rumah, 4 jam dihabiskan di jalan dari mulai optimis, sampe mau nangis nelpon suami, sampe cuma bisa istighfar dan berdoa. Bahkan pas sampe rumah pun masih error, untuk pertamakalinya dalam hidup sampe ngeblank mendadak lupa cara parkirin mobil ke garasi, cuma bengong dgn mobil melintang di tengah jalan gak ngerti harus manuver gimana. Korslet otakku. 😭 Mau naik transportasi umum masih ga diijinin setelah kejadian kecopetan di stasiun minggu lalu.. yagitude klo diinget tiap pulang kantor seriiing kejadian nyerempet2 di garasi krn terlalu lelah markir, nabrak/ditabrak pernah sampe semua kap bemper belakang hrs diganti belasan juta, hp hilang, kartu emoney ratusan ribu hilang, sampe kadang mikir Gustii ini gak berkahnya dimanaaa... 😭

Mungkin orang yg nyari hidup di Jakarta menabah2kan diri karena mereka berjuang untuk bisa berada di titik sekarang. Aku yg udah dr lahir di Jakarta malah capek, tiap pergi ke kota kecil pasti langsung betah dan pengen tinggal terus disitu. Tapi suami yg betah di kota kecil justru excited dan fine2 aja tinggal dan kerja di Jakarta walaupun harus qerja baghai quda.

Dengerin lagu JAKARTA JAKARTA berasa dipukpuk diingetin klo aku gak sendiri, ya mungkin orang di mobil yg bikin macet, yang ngedorong ngedesek di kereta, copet yg ambil hpku.. semua punya masalah yg sama atau lbh berat dari aku. (Nasihat ini yang selalu dilontarkan suami setiap kumengeluh). "Benturkan, bentuklah dirimu!"

Doakan ya aku bisa tabah dan kuat menghadapi kondisi ini, diberi yg terbaik yg membuatku bisa sehat raga dan sehat jiwa.  Karena pada akhirnya, "mantra" paling magis adalah kata-kata terakhir di album ini yaitu di lagu BUNGSU:


Sebelum kau menjaga
Merawat melindungi segala yang berarti
Yang sebaiknya kau jaga
Adalah dirimu sendiri
BYARR!!!

#reheart #kimichallenge #kimi2020 #kimi5tahun #selfhealing #selflove
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Monday, 14 January 2019

Bye bye hypothetical baby

Maybe it's the fact that I am doing a netnographic research of Facebook groups on breastfeeding/child-rearing which discusses about breastfeeding and babies/young children in general, seeing my own kids grow up and be school-age children kinda made me miss the good ol' baby days. Then looking at feeds of people having babies gave me "baby fever", making me want to have (another) one of my own. Like, I even actually already have a name for this one (a girl's name of course).

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The thought of secretly taking off my IUD without telling my husband crossed my mind, haha, but I didn't really do it. But since it's been 5 years since I had it on, I think it's time to check it. I actually forgot if the IUD in me was for 5 or 7 years 🙈 But anyway so I told my husband that I have to do a check up on my IUD, if it's going to be removed, should I put a new one straight in or wait a while. (Critanya ngarep dicopot bentar gitu kan...) But, without hesitation, he told me to put it in straight away!

There goes my hope of holding a little baby (girl, please) 😥

But, only Allah has the power to bring life so ya never know *ever the optimistic aren't we?*

via GIPHY


Although the teeny tiny logical voice in me says that having my boys is enough, I'm overwhelmed as it is. A new kid is probably just an excuse from parenting the other two, which will be kind of sad if she does actually materializes in my womb.

Sunday, 30 December 2018

Cacar/chickenpox/varicella

December is always physically and mentally challenging for me. The end of semester means I'm busy with work (if you don't know already I'm a univeristy lecturer) and deadlines with my study as a PhD student, and this year I had to also deal with my first grader son having his first formal school exams. To top that December weather is not good for the health. Hence I always get sick in December. From harmless common colds to a type of measles to a trip to internist for gastrointestinal infection that made me unable to enjoy food due to my stomach hurting. Of course being the introverted psychosomatic that I qm, all these were induced by stress. I recall visiting a psych also in December to keep my mental health in check. (Okay this is the first time I admit seeing a shrink)

This year though tops the list with an unexpected case of chickenpox.

It first started after I came home from a conference in Samarinda. The next day I was beat, I stayed at home and thought my malaise was due to lack of rest since I've been out and about preparing for the trip and preparing my Dissertation Seminar. That means frequent trips to Bogor and Ciputat and also sleepless nights of dissertation and paper writing. I taught classes on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. By Wednesday I was feeling worse. I was tired but had to teach 3 periods from 10am to 6pm. During the second perios there was a moment where I was standing in front of the class speaking and I lost my breath. I had been having these shortness of breath that day, walking up and down 1 flight of stairs left me breathless, as did speaking in class. It was like you just did a sprint and your heart is racing and you can't breathe. I felt I was going to pass out and faint. Luckily I managed to go through the class without anyone  noticing that I almost fainted. I ended my last class early so I could go straight home and rest. I came home with a fever and went straight to bed.

That day I also noticed in the bathroom while taking wudhu I had itchy spots on my neck that I thought was just pimples because I tend to have them there since I was always sweating. I didn't realise until the next day I had spots on my stomach and they looked like they were blistering (with a liquid inside, hence the Indonesian name cacar air). It was then that I realised I might be having chickenpox.

Since I realised at night, I couldn't go to the doctor right away. But when Akang came home I showed him my blistered spots and he told me they were chickenpox. I visited the doctor the next morning, more spots showed up and she confirmed they were the pox.

I was given the antivirus acyclovir tablets and lotion but I knew later it was too late to suppress the infection from spreading. I was also given antihistamine for the itch and that helped. i went to the doctor about day 4 after the first spot appeared and that day new ones kept appearing at a very fast rate. By day 5 I probably had about 100 spots. I had them like literally everywhere from head to toe. The worst ones were in my scalp (they were itchy and caused major headaches, I had to take high doses of painkillers to ease the pain, and shampoo everyday since they popped and crusted which were really gross), in my lady parts (since it hurt a lot and I was afraid because that's a sensitive area), and the soles of my feet because it became painful to walk so I had tonwear thick padded socks. Other that those parts, I had them on my ears, face, lips, tongue, inside of my mouth and throat, neck, chest, stomach, back, arms and legs. There weren't so many in my arms and legs, the spots were mainly around my back and my front upper body and my head (scalp, ears, face etc).

spots on my face

It was excruciating to stand up and walk. My house is 2 storeys, my room is upstairs. I couldn't even walk up and down the stairs to get to the kitchen without feeling like I was fainting. If I didn't have to do my Seminar I would've admitted myself to the hospital because I felt really bad.

The thing is, it would be more hassle if I postpone my Seminar. My doctor wouldn't give recommendation for me to do the seminar since I could infect people, but I called the admin at my uni and she said it was okay as long as I wear gloves and face mask.

The seminar was on Monday, I was diagnosed Friday. I spent the weekend resting to store my energy for the seminar. Thankfully I was fit enough to go to Bogor and Akang really helped by taking a day off work to accompany me. And the spots on my face were healing miraculously, the spots in the photo almost cleared. I jad been depressed that I had to deal with the aftermath of the spots but by the time I was doing thr seminar you barely noticed I had chickenpox spots. The seminar went well, it was truly Allah's helping hands that made it happen. Alhamdulillahi rabbil alamin.

So it lasted for 1 week. 1 week of physical pain but good rest, but I missed my boys since I had to sleep alone and I couldn't touch them. For someone who gains strength from hugs it was just as painful not being able to hug them for that week. I also missed the chores of taking care of them like bathing them, cooking for them or having meals with them... Akang did a great job keeping us together, he took very good care of me and I couldn't be more grateful. Thankfully our maid already had chickenpox so she really helped.

2 weeks later I noticed red spots on Raka. It was just a few and I thought they were insect bites. Raka had low grade fever but he was coughing and had a stuffed nose so I thought it was common cold. The next morning his temperature was back to normal after fever for 2 days, but there were more spots so I suspected he contracted chickenpox too. That morning I took him to the doctor who diagnosed him with the same: varicella. He was given the same medicine plus cough syrup. I am almost envious that he didn't feel weak or tired and had only about 10 spots which were due to the facts that:

  • He is a child. Chickenpox symptoms in kids is milder than adults. So it is better to get it while little really. Take it from me who had frequent faint spells and looks like a witch that even my younger son was afraid and cried when I touched him.
  • He had been vaccinated. Although I will never get over the guilt of not giving him a booster shot for varicella when the doctor already scheduled since almost 2 years ago.
  • He was diagnosed and treated very early before the red spots became bumps or blisters so the antivirus worked in stopping the spread of the infection

chickenpox spots on Raka

He was playing as usual and his little brother couldn't be kept away from him (although we convinced them to sleep in different rooms). It was a good thing it was school holidays so at least he didn't miss school. I gave Imboost for Rayi so that he didn't get the pox too and Alhamdulillah as he almost always is, Rayi is healthy up to today. Those healthy eating regimen while pregnant with Rayi really paid off in maintaining his immunity and his love of healthy food that helps him to fight off infections.

December is almost ending. Although the weather may still be extreme but at least the storm in the house has passed. Raka's recovered, I still tire easily but overall in a better shape, Akang and Rayi as always the rocks (meaning they almost always healthy). I taught my last class a few days ago so I can focus on my dissertation, only 2 big steps to go. May 2019 be great for all of us.

Sunday, 23 December 2018

Still offline :)

Wow.... turns out I have been off Instagram for 3 months already. Although not 100% off, I didn't delete my account, just uninstalled the app on my phones. I gotta say it was a good decision. I think I was spot on in suspecting Instagram was the source of my deteriorating mental health.

Ironic, isn't it. Since I am a social media researcher who reports that social media is beneficial for mothers, but I myself find it toxic and had to leave for a while.

There are times when I felt, okay, maybe I'll just install it now that I've been off for quite some time. This has come up lately since I did pass my Seminar for dissertation (yay!) leaving 2 steps more in getting that PhD. So I thought I can handle it. But the better of me says "Nah, just wait out til you REALLY be granted your PhD (read: after my viva/Sidang Terbuka) then you can do whatever the hell you want.

So I'm just gonna have to settle with opening IG on my browser. Which means not being able to see videos on IG stories or reply to those stories. Not being able to really post (you can but it's a hassle using browsers). So where do I vent?? I initially thought I'd vent a lot here, on the blog. Or resort to Facebook instead (I didn't uninstall Facebook since I use it for my research and the Facebook app has features that the browser version didn't have that really supported my dissertation). But I'm giving myself a pat in the back for being able to bite my tongue and held back even though I'd half written the posts.

Like when I was telling the world I had a bad case of chickenpox that left me physically and mentally drained (I felt depressed because I look like a witch and I could hardly do anything).

Or when I finally did my Seminar, even though I was in the peak phase of my chickenpox. (I was wearing hand gloves and face mask and kept away from people..).

Or when the traffic is really, really bad (well, isn't it always the case?)

Or when I finally got on a plane and went to Borneo for a conference (Balikpapan and Samarinda checked off the list!).

Or random stuff with the kids.. like Raka's exams, their report cards, and Raka now contracting chickenpox from me. Thankfully, thanks to vaccines, he had it like 90% lighter than what I had. Only a day of fever, and like 10 spots. (I had about a hundred I think >_<). I'm now waiting for Rayi to finally get it, but since his immunity is usually very good, topped with taking Imboost and multivitamin and fruits, it'll be no surprise if he passes.

So what did I spend time with then? On the phone, I read e-books (currently reading The Introvert Advantage) and spending time nodding since I relate so much.. will review later), watch movies, read fanfics (*facepalm* my guilty pleasure.. I feel like I'm 20 years younger haha). And of course getting busy writing my dissertation chapters, journal articles, conference papers, etc... So yeah, it's been a productive 3 months. Only stressful because I had to get so much done.. but imagine if I spend those precious time just aimlessly scrolling through social media.. not only does the wasted time get me depressed, but the content also. It's not that I follow depressing accounts, but sometimes knowing other people's updates left me depressed to where I was standing. I'm sure people can relate, when you hear of someone's good news, there's a part of you that is like "OMG she's at that stage and I am not.." something like that.

Having a husband who is not active on social media helps. It makes me feel less like a weirdo since most people I know are active on at least 1 type of social media. Well it even improves my communication with him since I share more with him because I can't get on social media and vent. Thank you Akang for always responding my ga-penting Whatsapp messages :)