When I finally realise it's October already

kerja di meja bawah, karena meja kerja di atas panas banget dan susah fokus ada anak2

Dari hari Ahad kemarin seharian ngoprek excel dan SPSS. Mabok makk.. Ternyata data yg masuk dari survei ulang gak secemerlang dulu.. dari 2 hari yg lalu stagnan di 80an (minimal 200 dari 400an yg dikirim). So I decided to work on the available data to do another validity and reliability analyses.. which as predicted Alhamdulillaah the results were way better. Then I decided to work on the remaining new data to actually do some statistical analyses. Which involves matching new and old data and that was a painstaking process... all this is for a paper for an upcoming conference next month. No, wait, make that 2 conferences.

I was preparing for an abstract deadline for 20th October and I thought "ok I can write up a 250word abstract by that time.. just need to have the results on by next week then I can write a hypothetical abstract in a few hours after that". Then last night a colleague from the office called asking me to participate in a conference in Kupang next month, full paper due by next week. Hahahah okaayy... I'll see what I can do. Since the Kupang conference is all expenses paid and she wanted me to accompany her I'm like okay I can do both. (Agak menyiksa diri gak sih ini?!?)

Jadi mulai ketar ketir setelah sadar udah Oktober. Target seminar hasil November (tadinya awal Okt tapi gak kekejar). Dan udah dikirim surat peringatan DO pula. Apa rasanya ya kalo di DO? Sampe bener2 kepikiran mungkin gak sih beneran after all these years.. 6 tahun mikirin sekolah, 5 tahun beneran berstatus mahasiswa, perjuangan semua yg dilalui...tiba2 gak selesai.... Mungkin gak sih? Bisa ridho?

Katanya sih harus visualisasi mimpi biar berhasil..tapi jujur gw gak berani lho ngebayangin gw lg sidang promosi atau wisuda pake toga di GWW. Takut gak kecapai huhu. Padahal dulu gw selalu visualisasi.. sampe pas naksir akang gw bayangin loh nanti pacaran di suatu tempat, nanti nikah seperti apa, dll dll dan itu GW BARU KENAL DIA. Hahahaha.

Semakin tua, semakin hilang nyali untuk bermimpi ternyata ya. Sedih.