Still offline :)

Wow.... turns out I have been off Instagram for 3 months already. Although not 100% off, I didn't delete my account, just uninstalled the app on my phones. I gotta say it was a good decision. I think I was spot on in suspecting Instagram was the source of my deteriorating mental health.

Ironic, isn't it. Since I am a social media researcher who reports that social media is beneficial for mothers, but I myself find it toxic and had to leave for a while.

There are times when I felt, okay, maybe I'll just install it now that I've been off for quite some time. This has come up lately since I did pass my Seminar for dissertation (yay!) leaving 2 steps more in getting that PhD. So I thought I can handle it. But the better of me says "Nah, just wait out til you REALLY be granted your PhD (read: after my viva/Sidang Terbuka) then you can do whatever the hell you want.

So I'm just gonna have to settle with opening IG on my browser. Which means not being able to see videos on IG stories or reply to those stories. Not being able to really post (you can but it's a hassle using browsers). So where do I vent?? I initially thought I'd vent a lot here, on the blog. Or resort to Facebook instead (I didn't uninstall Facebook since I use it for my research and the Facebook app has features that the browser version didn't have that really supported my dissertation). But I'm giving myself a pat in the back for being able to bite my tongue and held back even though I'd half written the posts.

Like when I was telling the world I had a bad case of chickenpox that left me physically and mentally drained (I felt depressed because I look like a witch and I could hardly do anything).

Or when I finally did my Seminar, even though I was in the peak phase of my chickenpox. (I was wearing hand gloves and face mask and kept away from people..).

Or when the traffic is really, really bad (well, isn't it always the case?)

Or when I finally got on a plane and went to Borneo for a conference (Balikpapan and Samarinda checked off the list!).

Or random stuff with the kids.. like Raka's exams, their report cards, and Raka now contracting chickenpox from me. Thankfully, thanks to vaccines, he had it like 90% lighter than what I had. Only a day of fever, and like 10 spots. (I had about a hundred I think >_<). I'm now waiting for Rayi to finally get it, but since his immunity is usually very good, topped with taking Imboost and multivitamin and fruits, it'll be no surprise if he passes.

So what did I spend time with then? On the phone, I read e-books (currently reading The Introvert Advantage) and spending time nodding since I relate so much.. will review later), watch movies, read fanfics (*facepalm* my guilty pleasure.. I feel like I'm 20 years younger haha). And of course getting busy writing my dissertation chapters, journal articles, conference papers, etc... So yeah, it's been a productive 3 months. Only stressful because I had to get so much done.. but imagine if I spend those precious time just aimlessly scrolling through social media.. not only does the wasted time get me depressed, but the content also. It's not that I follow depressing accounts, but sometimes knowing other people's updates left me depressed to where I was standing. I'm sure people can relate, when you hear of someone's good news, there's a part of you that is like "OMG she's at that stage and I am not.." something like that.

Having a husband who is not active on social media helps. It makes me feel less like a weirdo since most people I know are active on at least 1 type of social media. Well it even improves my communication with him since I share more with him because I can't get on social media and vent. Thank you Akang for always responding my ga-penting Whatsapp messages :)