Again, On the Universe telling me to do PhD

Bludging away at work (translation: ma-ga-but), these past three days I should be working on my PhD proposal. Since the clients I work with (institutions in Australia, NZ, US, UK, Canada) are on Christmas holidays until first week of January 2013, and most of my customers are holidaying as well, that goes for most staff in the office, too, so it's generally quiet on emails and on people dropping in, too.

So I had planned from weeks before that I'd use these 3 bludgeful (new word!) days to do something worthwhile: MY PROPOSAL.

But....

Since Raka's maid is away, I had to tend for him when I get home, meaning I had no rest at all since when I get home I have to feed him, nurse him, play with him etc that I never even have time for dinner since I'd be too exhausted and fall asleep with him while nursing. Oh not to mention in the morning, I have to wake up really early to cook his meals for the day, then spare time to play with him (he's up around 4 to 5.30am), before finally bathing him, and when he's not in a good mood, I have to soothe his tantrums by nursing him and rocking him to sleep. This happened yesterday, I left home for work at 8.35am, when work starts at 8.30am. I can't take days off work since there would be no one at the office.

So...

When I do get at the office, I get really tired and can't concentrate. The folder with my PhD stuff is left untouched, yesterday I even forgot to bring it. the USB stick is still in my wallet, I didn't even stick it into my PC to save journal articles or whatever my thoughts on the research.

I even start to have second thoughts.. It's going to be hard, right, doing this thing?? Maybe it's not for me.

Then I accidentally came upon a blog of someone who used to go to school with me, who was doing her PhD in Australia, too.

Then, I came across this:

It's another sign, right??

My destiny is UQ PhD right??

Right??

Can I get an AMEN here??

AAAMMMIIIIEEEENNN...!!!

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Night Nursing Toddler

It all started when I started working full-time when Raka was about 5.5 months old. Raka would wake up more often during the night to nurse. I was told this is normal because he didn’t get the breast during the day, so he’s making up for that loss. At around 10 months onwards, it got worse, almost like a newborn, he would wake up every 2 hours to nurse. If he didn’t get to my breast, he would cry and scream for hours. He wouldn’t stop even if I or someone else cuddle him or carry him and soothe him around. I thought it would stop by the time he’s 1 year old. But no, he’s still my frequent night nursing toddler.

Exhausted? Yes. I could never get enough sleep, especially since my work involves meeting customers everyday, it’s not possible for me to sneak a nap at my desk or somewhere else because my customers would be looking for me if I’m away.

We consulted Raka’s pediatrician about this during his 12-month checkup. According to her, at that age he’s supposed to be sleeping better. She suggested we give him more food and breastmilk (asip) during the day, and giving him a later dinner (this means moving down his evening meal from 4pm to 5pm, because at around 6 – 7pm he would be asleep already). We tried that, but no change. Just a chubbier toddler who doesn’t mind being stuffed up with good food all the time. Haha.

Curiously, when I was away for 2 nights for a business trip, Raka slept with his nanny and my mum in the same room. According to them, he only woke once, yes, once during the night to feed (in this case, a bottle of breastmilk). So it’s true what Google says: a night nursing toddler is actually normal,. Especially for one that is cosleeping with his parents. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with him. It doesn’t mean that he’s hungry during the night either. He doesn’t actually need to nurse at night, but he just wants to. Especially when that good food is available just a roll away in the bed. So it’s logical that he’d want it all the time, especially since he’s not getting it during the day.

So the choice is either

1. train him to sleep through the night, involving some major nighttime dramas of crying and screaming 
2. leave it be. Think that this condition won’t be forever. Raka won’t want to night nurse all the time, he’ll outgrow it one day. The same like he’ll outgrow wanting to sleep with his mum in the same bed :’( kalo kata orang Sunda, WAYAHNA.

Currently, I’m choosing option number 2. So even though I’m super exhausted every day due to lack of sleep, I’m actually not ready to give up nighttime nursing. I guess even though it’s tiring, I do cherish and enjoy those moments in the middle of the night when it’s just me and him awake (or half awake, most of the time), it’s very romantic if you think of it. It’s that quiet moment that only both of us share. It’s the only time that I can really bond with him quietly and without any interference. And deep down, I don’t want it to end…

So I think I’ll wait until his 2nd birthday. If by then no change, I’ll consider again, whether to just go on with option 2 or try option 1. Here’s a link to a method that I will try if I ever decide to sleep train him:

http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

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Green Light!

Wichitra: Assalamu'alaikum wr wb

Sent at 10:05 AM on Wednesday

Tatas: Waalaikumsalam wrwb.

Sent at 10:23 AM on Wednesday

Wichitra: ini eneng baca, University of A menawarkan beasiswa postgraduate research termasuk uang kuliah, living cost and OSHC untuk student&dependent

tp untuk masuk di Juli - November 2013

kmrn eneng liat sih, kykny ada dosen sana yg bisa jd supervisor eneng

menurut akang, dicoba aja ga?

tdny rencananya mau apply Endeavour aja, masuknya pertengahan 2014

Tatas: iya ga apa2, dicoba saja ..

kl memungkinkan, sekalian jg yg endeavour, kan blm tahu keterimax d mana

Wichitra: iya, yg Endeavour tetap mau dicoba jg. rencananya mau apply ke Q, A sama C, krn sejauh ini yg ada dosen di bidang yg eneng mau research di 3 univ itu

Tatas: o gitu.. ok mantep

Wichitra: makasih supportnya.. mohon doanya.. demi masa depan keluarga yg lebih baik, amin

Tatas: iya sama2, semoga barokah

Wichitra: amiiin

 

Restu suami sudah ditangan, tinggal minta restu ibunda dan Insya Allah MESTAKUNG! Wichi BISAAA!!! Doakan yaaa!!!

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Edisi Kangen Anak #3

Biasa, kalo abis weekend suka kena sindrom kangen anak. So here’s a bit of what Raka can do now that makes me miss him more and more.

 

Sudah bisa panggil orang, yang paling pertama dan paling sering dan jelas terucap, tentunya (and I say it proudly) “MAMA!”

 

Selain itu bisa juga panggil:

“PAPA”

“MBAK”

“NDAH” dan “TI” – Kakak Putri, anaknya Mbak yang duduk di Kelas 1 SD, temen mainnya Raka

“TETEH” – tantenya alias sepupu gw, cuma Kakak Putri manggil dia Teteh jadi ikut2an

Yang belum beruntung dipanggil itu Eninnya, padahal udah manjain dia banget. Malah ikut2an kita manggil eninnya “Mama”

 

Terus, vocab lainnya:

“NA” – ikan arwana, dan ikan2 yang ada di rumah sebelah

“JAH” – gajah, kalo liat di TV

“MAMAM” – makan

“MEH” – mimi/nenen, paling heboh kalo udah pengen, teriak2 “MEH! MEH!” sambil kaos mamanya ditarik2 sampai dapat p*ting -_-‘

“NDA ADA” – kalau ditanya “Ninin kemana?” dijawabnya ini sambil tangannya melambai nunjukkin kalo nggak ada

“JA” – kerja, kalau ditanya “Mama kemana” pas gw kerja, dijawabnya ini

“MBEEEK” – kalau liat kambing, berawal dari pas ada yang jual kambing kurban di tanah kosong sebelah rumah jamannya mau Idul Adha, sekarang tiap liat kambing lewat di jalan (yak kampung ye rumah gw pdhl di Jakarta loh) atau liat di TV langsung deh

 

Selain itu, udah bisa diperintah

“CIUM MAMA!” dan dia akan cium muka kita sambil bilang “MMUAH!” *cute or whaaatt??*

“KISS BYE!” dan dia akan do the famous kissbye

“SALIM!”

“LALALA YEYEYE!” dan tangannya akan joget2 <- ini ajaran Teteh dan Kakak Putri yg kebanyakan nonton D*hsyat zzzz

Dan mulai ngerti kalau dia ngerjain yang dilarang, Mamanya ngomong “Raka! No! No!” sambil telunjuk tangan gw nunjuk2, dia langsung berhenti. Ini masih work in progress sih. Kadang dia juga bandel dan terus ngelakuin, kalo gitu ya sabar aja ngalihin perhatiannya.

 

Yang masih jadi PR cuma ngelancarin bicaranya karena belum jelas, kalo motoriknya sih udah oke lancar banget. Tapi sebenarnya dia juga udah ngerti sih kita ngomong apa, dan udah ngerespon juga Cuma ga jelas aja kata2nya. selain itu PR terbesar adalah biarin dia bisa tidur sendiri tanpa harus digendong mbaknya atau harus ngempeng sama mamanya. Kalau gak gitu dia ga bakalan bisa tidur, di kasur pasti guling2 gelisah atau nangis sekuat tenaga. Awalnya guling2 gelisah, sambil rewel2, trus mulai nangis tapi cuma rewel karena ga ada airmata, kalau masih dicuekin juga ama kita, baru dia nangis teriak2 sampe keringetan dan banjir airmata. Kalo udah kayak gitu udah ga tega deh ngebiarin, terpaksa ngeluarin nenen.

 

Ada yang bilang dibiarin aja, toh nanti juga dia akan stop doing it. Ada yang bilang ya harus dilatih, kalau nggak dia jadi manja dan gak mandiri. So far sih gw masih biarin karena belum tega ngebiarin dia nangis2. Udah pernah coba hypnoparenting alias dimasukin sugesti such as “Raka udah besar, kalau malam bobo yang nyenyak ya.. nanti pagi2 mimi sama Mama lagi..” over and over but it turns out I’m not that patient. Haha. Lagipula, gw mikirnya those night nursing sessions sebenernya sesi bonding antara gw dan Raka yang gw tinggal kerja seharian. Jadi, mau dilepas totally juga gw ga tega karena cuma pas malam aja gw bisa full nonstop ada disamping dia. :’(

 

Yes, it’s exhausting sometimes. But that’s what’s parenting is like, right? Kalo lagi capek banget ya mikirnya ntar 10 tahun lagi belum tentu dia mau nempel sama mamanya gini kan. So just enjoy the moment, and pray I can give the best always for my children.

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6 Years in Between..

2002… entered 1^st year of Bachelor degree

>>fast forward 6 years later

2008… entered 1^st year of Master degree

>>fast forward 6 years later

2014… entered 1^st year of PhD degree

Amiiinn!!

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